This god may be considered inappropriate for 'serious' fantasy campaigns, where the GM considers that it would interfere with the willing suspension of disbelief needed for good roleplay. Some GMs may consider that the use of this god introduces 'post-modern' elements into their campaign that they wish to avoid. Other GMs may consider his use only appropriate with 'mature' players, in particular those who are fans of things like 'Monty Python'.
Finagle is usually represented as a stocky Irishman (as worshipped by the Belters, obviously a dwarf), of generally varying appearance, though he is often seen wearing bright-yellow winged 'wellington' boots, and with a pig under one arm (tail to the front). He is noted for doing things that most gods don't, like hanging around in bars frequented by adventurers, drinking various 'holy' beverages, with alien names like 'Guinness' and 'Heiniken', and highly effectively impersonating other gods. The unwise may enquire what he is drinking, and he may offer them a sup, the results of which can be quite unpredictable, but rarely fatal.
The domains of Finagle (as worshipped by the dwarves) are Good, Luck, Perversity and Trickery.
Priests of Finagle tend to be strange people, and it has been noticed that they tend to mix outragously good, and bad, luck, that never quite makes their life perfect, or kills them. It is not clear why someone would want to become a priest of Finagle, in the first place, but some people have very strange senses of humour, and can be fascinated by the perverse.
Some priests claim that worship of Finagle is about being ready for the strange situations that life puts people in, and not believing that there is anything quite certain. They claim that they aim to help people. Some even hand-out free food and healing. Others are almost certainly in it for the darkly humourous laughs. It is said that a few did not set out to worship Finagle, but, somehow, ended up doing it. Impersonating a priest of Finagle is just asking for trouble.
Being a priest of Finagle means that you know for certain that the statement, "Things cannot get any worse than this!", is false, but you also know that, "We're Doomed!", and, "There's No Hope!", are almost certainly wrong as well. You know there is going to be trouble when the High Priest of Finagle is grinning. Or, if he starts whistling and looking innocent. Some people think that just being around such a priest is almost certain trouble.
It is claimed that priests of Finagle have the advantage of being better able to avoid the extreme perversity of life, but the evidence shows that things seem to get more "interesting" around them. Strangely enough, very few seem to go insane, or if they do, no one notices. Of course, most people consider such priests to be insane in the first place!
Possibly even stranger than the priests are the holy warriors of Finagle, who some doubt should really be called 'paladins'. Though having much less direct access to the holy powers of their god they are if anything more dedicated to his principles.
Very few Paladins of Finagle tend to be encountered, as to be one requires a strange mix of fatalism, honour (including responsibility for your actions), a sense of the perverse, and a (twisted) sense of humour. They have a particular talent for picking up perculiar gifts and curses (reverse were, anyone? (bite something and are cursed to take its shape) weird-monster friend?), though others may have difficulty telling one from the other. It is claimed that even some otherwise unintelligent undead and constructs (or even objects, like empty suits of armour) have acquired free-will, souls, and become such paladins.
GM Note: "Finagle's Law" exists in real life ("Anything that can go wrong, will", and, "The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum"), and the science fiction author Larry Niven mentioned him in some of his Known Space books, along with his prophet, Murphy. As far as most gods in a D&D campaign setting are concerned, he is a strange, alien, god, of unpredicatable abilities - and some attempt to classify him as some sort of trickster god.
This is a pink, clean, healthy-looking male animal carried under Finagle's left arm, with it's tail pointing forwards. It has genius-level intelligence, but very rarely speaks, preferring snorts and grunts, and when it does, typically uses it's ventriloquism ability, and an amazing ability to imitate voices.
The Pig is quite a even-tempered creature, even resisting comments like "pork on four legs", and "Apple Sauce!", but it gets upset about personal remarks made about Finagle himself, and sometimes just takes a dislike to people, particularly those who put themselves forward as 'smart'.
If needed, the pig can fly, but it almost always does so backwards, which does not interfere with it's ability to navigate, or dodge. If it wants to it can sprout small pink wings, but it may not bother.
As a (rarely used) combat attack it can instantly cast itself through the air as fast as a thrown spear, spinning, backwards, and impale people on its corkscrew tail. This will count as a suprise attack, in particular if people have never heard of this ability, and frequently if they have never actually seen it.
Mechanics might be D4 damage, attack as 10HD Monster, 50HP, AC2 (AC6 if cannot dodge), (3rdEd: +11 BAB, d4 attack, 10d8+50 (100 hp), AC 20 (+5 Dex, +5 natural), +8 Init, +10 Fort, +10 Ref, +10 Will - all subject to GM modification) optionally strike dumb no saving throw if hits (often cured by Remove Curse, or if the pig's feeling vindictive, only a Wish or a draught of holy Guinness (or _maybe_ Heiniken)). Finagle can instantly heal his pig if he wants to, or he might insist on someone restoring it by giving it 'Heiniken', and, of course, taking a draught for themselves!
It is believed that the pig has all the abilities of a *maximum rank Gremlin, and can shapeshift to anything at will, in particular into the companion(s) of whatever god Finagle might be impersonating today. Or, it might be that distressed princess. Or, maybe it can just do anything Finagle thinks it might want to!
(*) A maximum rank Gremlin is a 4' tall humanoid who looks like a green imp, and is armed with a small trident. They are the essence of Chaos, to the extent that they have no real ability to carry out plans, and are very easy to distract from what they are doing. They have a 50% chance attacks on them malfunction/backfire (often in very strange ways)), can move at 20 ft. and fly (allowing hovering) at 40 ft. (good maneuverability), use Tongues, can see invisible and ethereal line-of-sight, are naturally invisible, have +15 Listen skill, can move totally silently, can become intangible, sense any use of psionics 90 ft. radius, are psionically invisible and intangible, have Nondetection and True Seeing at the 18th level of effect, and can create food and water, create wine (as water but produces wine) and perform major creation and persistent image as a djinn. Maximum rank gremlins have become so chaotic and unreal that they can slip between the planes and universes at will. As it suits the GM these abilities may be extended to a willing other, for a short while. Gremlins do not need to eat, sleep or breathe, and aging just makes them less real - lack of air puts them in an unaging stupor until there is air again. (3rdEd: +10 BAB, d4 attack, 9d8 (41 hp), AC 12 (+2 natural armour), +1 Init, +3 Fort, +4 Ref, +6 Will.) Gremlins have great talent in modifying machinery, the more complex the better, to make it do 'interesting' things; Tinker Gnomes really hate them.
Guinness: A 'dry' stout beer, which appears as both a normal and a magical drink. Even the non-magical variety of Guinness has legendary properties, such as a pint being a meal in itself, or the process of waiting for a pint to be ready to drink inducing a state of almost spiritual calmness. The magical variety, which it is said that only a few fae creatures, and certain strange gods, know how to make, is much stranger. The exact effect of drinking it can vary, possibly depending on the magical powers that the pourer wishes it to manifest. But, they include: the ability to play the harp with great skill, the ability to speak with birds, great physical strength (as much as some variety of giant), and the ability to see the spirits and elemental forces that animists claim to be found everywhere in nature. The other effect known, which may be combined with one of the others, is a sense of great spiritual cheer, which enables you to see that the deepest gloom, the worst situation, still offers some possibilities, or at least a certain wry humour at the strange twists that fate and reality takes. Guinness may be reserved as a drink for when great and mythic tasks need to be done.
Heiniken: A pale lager beer, which typically only appears as a magical drink.
GM Warning: Some GMs may consider that the effects of this are too silly for their campaign, or that their players are of too serious character and will not consider this sort of thing suitable. Care should also be taken not to destroy people's character concepts by the use of this drink.
These drinks are generally in a green-coloured container made of a strange metal, and are made ready to drink by some strange manipulation of the 'can'. After use the container slowly fades away, looking as if it is becoming more distant while staying in the same place, and making a faint rattling noise, though if spelljamming this disappearance cannot occur while in the phlogiston. GM's will note that the effects of Heiniken can be unpredictable, but the following tables may help:
1 Refreshed 2 Refreshed 3 5' long body hair, ALL over 4 Double hit points (if less than 27, else Refreshed) 5 One of your items become magical 6 Permanent illusion of having pirate accessory 7 One of your items become living 8 Permanent illusion of having pirate parrot 9 Roll twice (1-8 only) + Refreshed 10 Heinikin Special Heinikin Special: 1 Totally refreshed 2 Totally refreshed 3 10' long regenerating body hair, ALL over 4 Triple hit points (if less than 18, else T. refreshed) 5 One of your items become living + magical 6 Permanent illusion of being pirate + parrot 7 Regenerate at 1HP/hour + Refreshed 8 Clone self (maybe hostile) 9 Roll twice (1-8 only) + T. refreshed 10 Heiniken + Totally refreshed
The powers of this drink are not precisely known from any source, and are typically only determined at the point of drinking. Only the greatest magics can control what happens, for example a Wish might be used to cause one of a crate of ten cans to be a hit point altering variety, and to make this wish someone would have to know that this is possible. In general what is known is that most people feel better for drinking it, some people are a lot better on a long term basis, and some people go really strange.
Note that any of the effects of this will not be immediately bad, though the body hair will burst and typically destroy any clothes or armour worn. All effects are permanent and not subject to dispel. If an effect is not possible or is inappropriate then (Total) Refreshment occurs.
Refreshment will remove any tiredness, fatigue or normal exhaustion, and immediately restores lost morale or subdual hit points. Total refreshment will remove any lost hit points or temporary ability loss, or if no hit points down any lost levels or permanent ability loss, or make the freshly raised fully healthy if they are not otherwise injured or have any lost levels or abilities.
The illusions are of sight and sound, but not touch, and typically require something like a Limited Wish to remove, and are not under their possesser's control. 'Pirate Accessories' are things like an eye patch (which does not interfere with normal vision), a wooden peg leg (which might make Move Silently more difficult), or a hook hand (with the normal hand and fingers still working). The parrot is a vocal and effectively indestructable pirate variety (with GM-optional eye patch and peg leg) which is as noisy and irritating as the referee considers suitable; it might be subject to bribery!
GMs are encouraged to be inventive about the created magical and living items, they will almost always be colourful and have 'character'. Some character's lives have been totally changed by their items after drinking! Note that if the drink is poured over a held item, which itself is intelligent and/or living GMs are encouraged to be creative; after all the holder might count as the item's item!
The normal body hair can be trimmed away once and will then be no problem (it might even be useful if the character was balding!), the regenerating variety needs magic to control it, the exact nature the DM's decision (maybe a Remove Curse once per week? or a special magic hair tie?), and something like a Limited Wish to remove.
The Regeneration is as a troll, from all but fire and acid, but is much, much, slower. The 'Clone Self' is an instant, permanent, twin effect, which produces a (non-magical) copy of any worn equipment and randomly distributes any magical items carried between the two; neither is actually the 'original'. Hostilty should be role-played, as some characters will attack duplicates of themselves that suddenly appear. There is no 'twin telepathy' effect between the two, but it is likely that communication magic will work better.
Note that even if effects are removed, by something like a Limited Wish, GMs may decide that this does not necessarily mean they have been destroyed - they may have moved to another, more deserving, target! For example, you might later encounter an orc (or a hill giant) leader with the 'Pirate Accessories', and (a larger version of) your parrot, whispering your secrets into his ear!
(c) Dreamer Publications, 1980 - October 2006
Permission granted to use for non-profit making purposes